Some very personal (and biased) thoughts I had while watching the new live version of Beauty & the Beast

• The opening feels kind of abrupt. Is this what people meant when criticizing the editing? Mmm the new sequence is nice and elaborate, but somehow the stained glass felt more magical. I miss the deep voice narrator. 

• Overall not as iconic as the original prologue and those minor chords… wait, I can hear the village song brewing, I feel it my bones, I know this song in my sleep… Time of truth, can Emma Watson sing? Not really, but look at this set, and the people moving together, singing, acting, so into their roles and F*CK IT I’M IN. MOVE ASIDE KIDS, THIS IS MY TIME TO SHINE. I’VE KNOWN THIS LYRICS FOR YEARS AND HELL YEAH I WILL MOUTH THEM WHILE STUFFING MY FACE WITH POPCORN AND MAYONNAISE. 

• That tiny library looks very historically accurate for a little rural village in old fashioned France and it makes me SO SAD. 

• Hehe you can’t fool me. This ‘insignificant’ new details are just patches to the original plot. 

• ‘It’s a small village. I know them all [men].’ I feel you girl. 

• Am I really tearing up with the Belle reprisal? YES, YES I AM. 

• #Feminism You do you, Emma. 

• Huh, I never noticed Belle doesn't ask for a Rose in the Disney version. What does this tell us about intertextuality and adaptation? Truly, no… one… SOUNDS like Gaston, no one BOOMS like Gaston, no one’s good at sweeping me back into musical mood like GASTON. 

• Wait, where’s the exclusively gay moment? Did I miss it? 

• Belle actively tries to run away. Aww, empowerment. 

• Am I a bad feminist if I’m a sucker for nursing scenes? 

• The Beast reads. I repeat THE BEAST READS. What’s your excuse, you uncultured swines? 

• Arguing over books? That’s it. Im sold. Relationship GOALS. 

• And of course, the correct answer to ‘What’s your favorite Shakespeare play?’ should always be Macbeth; hands down. 

• There be some character development that wasn’t there before… 

• Aww now they can bond over sad mom stories. This sounds familiar cofZutaracof. 

• Yes, we already established that books can be magical, oh, you mean there’s an actual magical book. Huh. 

• Wow, Gaston went from creepy douchebag to full on homicidal bloke. Yikes. LeFou, you truly deserve better. 

• “Emma’s feminism killed the iconic ballgown” Oh, bo-hoo. You know what? I never really liked Belle’s yellow dress. There, I said it. It’s best attribute is that it brings a nice contrast to the Beast’s blue attire. This version is fine; it’s got gold speckles! And yes, a corset would’ve been historically accurate, and yes this looks kinda like a prom dress, but Belle goes off immediately riding a horse. Would you ride in corset? Of course not! I’m frankly more concerned about the fact that she rode away into the snow without so much as a napkin on her shoulders. 

• Besides, the scene where he lifts Belle on the side and there are tiny lights on the back. Magical. Screw La La Land, this is how I like my magic musical numbers. 

• ANGST, brought to you by Beast’s tender heart and booming voice. 

• What if the Beast never changes but Belle comes back and stays with him anyway? It would be an interesting twist, except for the fact that everyone else turns into actual furniture. 

• Garderobe dressing those men in drag and screaming ‘Be free!’ Oh, Tumblr is definitely gonna gif that. 

• Wait, was that the last petal? It WAS the last petal. Holy crap, if it wasn’t for the fact that I saw the obviously-not-just-a-herbal-remedy-savvy-spinster coming up the stairs, I would be seriously concerned. 

• HOW DARE YOU BASTARDS ALMOST KILL CHIP??!! 

• Hi there Mathew, I’d be more willing to welcome your handsome face into Belle’s arms if it weren’t for the fact that you bailed out on Downton Abbey and effectively killed my OTP over there. 

• Where are the fireworks? I can’t believe the cartoon kiss was 1000x better. 

• Aww everyone is reunited with their Significant Other. Way to rub it in my face, Disney. 

• Why are we not talking more about the gorgeous white gown at the end?? That would be a much more productive discussion. Is it Belle’s wedding gown? Are those real flowers? It’s puffy and swirls beautifully but ends at the ankles, thus allowing for better feet movement while dancing. I WANT ONE. 

• Oh, there’s the exclusively gay moment. Yay? 

• Move over, Ariana Grande, you ain’t got nothing on the one and only B&B queen, Celine Dion.